There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
