I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
