you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
