Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
