she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
