i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
