if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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