I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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