i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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