dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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