All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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