when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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