Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
