dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
