I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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