No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
