Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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