You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize