Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
