They should really pass out barf bags in church
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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