I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
