Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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