Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There r osticjed everywhere
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
