i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
