He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
