he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
