hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
