just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
