we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
