this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
a search helicopter?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
