I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
