the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
