We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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