Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
