Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
