my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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