Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
