First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize