a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think my moral compass just broke
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
