I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
