theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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