I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
