well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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