i need an iv and a liver transplant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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