she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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