That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
