and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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