you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
