um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
