whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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