I am midnight drunk by noon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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