You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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