I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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