wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
