Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
