That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
