Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
