I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
