TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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