i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
