Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
