Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
