I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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