I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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