Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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