used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
