she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
