I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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